A Christian's Ultimate Dilemma

Here's a guest post by my friend (everybody's friend), Jeff Gerke

Okay, let's be honest here. How many of us who call ourselves Christians are utterly righteous in our minds? It seems to me that we all live a double life, one in which we talk the Christian talk (and, hopefully, walk the Christian walk), but on another level, our minds are thinking entirely...other...things.

 

Not very nice things. Downright mean things or selfish things or fearful things or lustful things or jealous things or greedy things or scandalous things--even illegal things. Thoughts that would get us in trouble with our friends, pastors, spouses, bosses, or even the police.

Maybe I'm oversharing here, but I find that I'm fully capable of humming a Christian worship song while simultaneously sinning. I surprise myself sometimes that I'm able to have both parts going on at the same time. You'd think I'd have to shut off the one to do the other, but it seems I'm quite capable of having both in hand at once.

You should see my journal. You'd be shocked at what I lay out before God. (That's why I password protect it!)

This state of affairs bothers me. I've been a Christian for 32 years--graduated seminary and been on staff at a church. I'm confident in my faith walk with Jesus. Now, wouldn't you think that someone like that would be purified in heart by now? Yet I find that my inner voice is both sacred and profane. I am simultaneously capable of compassion and holiness of thought and deed AND of a calculating sort of...un-Christian thought and deed that would surprise you.

The sort of thing that Christian men tell each other on the last night of a men's retreat. And, I assume, that Christian women tell each other...sometime.

My question is whether this is a bad thing or if it's just a true picture of the Christian mind. We look around us at Christian leaders we respect, and we tend to assume that they are as pure on the inside as they seem to be on the outside. But I suspect that if we were to get to really know them, we'd see the humanness and sinfulness still there.

Certainly we've seen so many "fall." So where did the fall come from? Were they total pretenders from the beginning and never true Christians at all, or were they MIXED, like I am, true Christians who just got too far over to that other side of things?

Maybe it's that Christians are the only ones with something OTHER than that calculating sinfulness in us. Maybe unbelievers have just the one sort of thinking most of the time. So is it a blessing or a curse (in a sense) to be possessed of both minds? At least Christians are CAPABLE of true righteousness. Occasionally.

I'm able to accept my situation as being normative for what Christianity really looks like. I know I'm a real Christian even though I have this whole other LARGE part of my brain that doesn't look like what Christianity is supposed to look like. I'm okay with it. I know God's working in me every day.

But I wish I heard more Christians talking about this, admitting their own dark or impure or uncharitable thoughts. And not just individual thoughts, but continuous thinking from a mind that has both light and darkness in it.

Personally, I think many Christians are in a form of bondage over this. We're led to believe that we should be as shiny pure on the inside as we say we are on the outside, and when the reality is that we still have all those "other" thoughts, we condemn ourselves. We succumb to the voice of shame. We redouble our efforts and our prayers and our spiritual disciplines to try to make the inside line up with the outside. And ultimately we fail. Rinse. Repeat.

How wonderful, how FREEING, it would be for Christians to accept that this BOTH/AND situation is normal and to accept themselves in their mental plurality. To understand that it's not only OKAY but NORMAL for a Christian to be capable of both mercy and murder, of love and lust, and that it's only the Holy Spirit in His very, very long sanctification process that can make a change. Our efforts only slow things down.

And to accept that probably we'll be on our deathbeds still thinking holy and heinous thoughts at the same time.

Don't you think a wider honesty and openness about this would be a healthy thing? Or are we too scared to "go first" in case others say, "What? I'm not like that at ALL. What's wrong with you?"

Well, I just went first.

So those are Darth Jeff's thoughts.  Comments anyone?

Listening to God

Do you ever wonder how to hear from God?  

What kinds of things He might be wanting to say to you?  

Or if what you think you're "hearing" is actually Him?

I just read, in my quiet time this morning, several chapters in Charles Stanley's book, How to Listen to God.  I highly recommend it for any Christian who longs for intimacy with God.  It's full of practical, godly advice from a humble, saintly man who is greatly experienced in hearing from God.

Pick any one of these chapters.  Read, and you'll be blessed:

ONE:  Is God Still Talking?

TWO:  God's Goal in Communicating

THREE:  How God Gets Our Attention

FOUR:  Identifying the Voice of God

FIVE:  Factors That Determine How God Communicates

SIX:  Are You Listening?

SEVEN:  Sitting Before the Lord

EIGHT:  Your Spiritual Mind-Set

NINE:  Hindrances to Hearing

TEN:  Listening and Obeying

ELEVEN:  The Life That Listens--A Well-Built Life

Or hear Charles Stanley speak on the subject in an engaging 7-minute Youtube video where he talks about teaching his children how to listen to God.

  

Where and How do you picture God when you pray? 

Charles Stanley says that when we pray, "we come before a Father who wraps His arms around us in a loving embrace."  (How to Listen to God, p. 69)

That's where He is, and what He's doing, right now, in relation to you.  

This is what He is saying to you today.

Abandonment

Reading this morning from Luke, chapter 5, verse 16:  

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."

I wonder what Jesus said to his Father when he withdrew to pray?  Was it anything like the things I say to Him?  I would love to have been there to eavesdrop on Jesus' prayers.

I'm sure the things he said to the Father were wrapped in an attitude of total submission.  Jesus' prayer at the end of his life was true throughout his life. "Not my will, but yours be done." Everything Jesus said to Satan in the wilderness reflected his commitment to his final obedience in the garden. Jesus' life was one of total trust, and total abandonment to the Father.

Are my prayers reflective of total trust, total submission to God? 

No.  I can tell there's a holdback, a fear of submitting completely.  I sense it in my spirit. 

Jesus' submission was complete.  Even in the garden, when He faced his greatest challenge to submission, He gave himself to the will of the Father absolutely, with no questions, no hesitation between "if it be possible," and "nevertheless, not my will but yours be done." His abandonment was so pure and complete that He and his Father became not two individuals, but One.

My submission, sincere as my wish is that it be complete, still reflects the submission of one separate individual to another, sometimes through gritted teeth.  My determined submission comes between us.  It's a constant decision, not a constant reality. 

Why?  Because I don't trust totally.  I'm afraid.  I'm proud.  I still think my way is better.

I want to get past the point of choosing to submit.  I want my submission to be a constant abandonment instead of a constant desire to abandon.

There are at least two reasons I should move into that constant abandonment.  1) It's the right thing to do: He created me, so he has a right to my submission.  And 2) It's to my benefit: He loves me, so He wants only good for me in my submission.

Lord, bring me to the place of oneness with you that comes through complete submission.  Make my submission to you a forever abandonment instead of a day-by-day struggle against my fears and selfish ambitions. 

Water from God's Perspective

Argyle Creek

God loves water.  He has to.  He created it.  He uses it to bless his world.  And I'm convinced he has so much fun with it.  

I love water too.  And I love God all the more when I realize we share this delight. 

Psalm 104 gives us a lyrical vision of the amazing water cycle going on all around us, day after day, season after season, from God's point of view.  The Psalm is full of a sense of God's delight in the part water plays in sustaining the world he has created.

Water is Fun (vs. 3)

In the beginning, he lays the beams of his upper chambers on the waters, and he rides on the clouds.  He doesn't ride on the clouds because he needs to get somewhere.  He just has fun doing it, like we do water skiing.  

Water Cleanses  (vs. 6-9)

He covered the whole earth, mountains and all, with water, as with a garment. Then he thundered and the waters fled, flowing over the mountains and down into the valleys.

This stanza of the poem is the only one written in past tense.  It's a description of the flood, when God washed the world of evil and gave us all a fresh start.

After he did this, he set a boundary so the water could never get that deep again.

Capilano Lake Above Cleveland Dam

Water Sustains Life  (vs. 10-13)  

He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains and gives water to all animals on the way down. The birds nest, and rest, and sing by the waters. 

Then, at the bottom of the ravines, he gathers the waters into his upper chambers again, where it all started.  He takes them to the tops of the mountains, and sends them back down again. 

The land is satisfied by the fruit of his work.  

Not Rocket Science

My husband, the scientist, says Psalm 104 is definitely not science.  Dennis looks at water and sees molecules.  

God sees molecules too, and even smaller units of matter that Dennis can't see.  Ones that don't show up under a microscope.  

Beluga Whale at Vancouver Aquarium

But I know that when God looks at water he also sees it sparkle and shine.  And I'm convinced his own eyes sparkle at the thought of how much fun we can have with it.  He loves water for all these reasons.

Right now, God is sprinkling water on my world.  Tomorrow the sun is supposed to come out and dry it all up.  Next week I'm going to mix water with cement and patch my sidewalk.  So much fun!  

How many happy things are you going to do with water this week?

Here's a fun video/song that my husband and I can both appreciate, he for the science and me for the fun.  I'm going to watch it with my grandchildren, and explain what's going on behind the scenes. Water is so much more exciting and wonderful from God's perspective.  

Water Cycle Fun

What If?

Religion: man reaching up to God

What if we are reaching for God in the wrong direction?

What if our individual "ways" to reach him don't work?

What if we all need his way?

What if he has provided a way that works because he loves us?

What if Jesus is God's way?

What if the Bible is His revelation of His way to us?

What if we're wrong for insisting on our own way?

Christianity: God reaching down to man.

Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the father but by me."  John 14:6

Listening: An Essential Ingredient in One-on-One Evangelism

We sat by the fire in the lodge, the place where members of the university community often gathered to socialize, and talked of spiritual things.  My heart was full of God's love for this man, my friend and a colleague of my husband's at the research station where we lived and worked. 

He was speaking (it was his turn).  I was letting him talk, making eye contact, nodding occasionally to encourage him, waiting for my chance to reply.  He was a follower of Zen, and eager to share what he believed with me.  At the moment, he was saying something about the Oneness of the Universe.  

I was just as eager to share about Jesus, but I waited, praying, thinking about what I could say next.  Something that might reach into his spirit and open his eyes to the Truth of the Gospel.

Then a third party joined the conversation.  The Still, Small Voice said to me, "Are you listening to him?"

"Well, yes, Lord.  I'm listening and waiting for a chance to speak about You."

"No," He said.  "Are you LISTENING to him?" (emphasis His)

That moment--that question--changed the way I "do" evangelism forever.

What a concept!  We should LISTEN to people we care about for Jesus' sake. 

When I began to listen to my friend, three things happened.

1)  I realized, with deep shame, that I was treating him with respect for the first time in our history of conversing about God.  Why had it taken so long?  It's rude not to listen.  We Christians should be the last people on earth to be rude to others.

2)  I learned some interesting new things.  I learned about Zen Buddhism, how Buddhists think, what they believe.  My mind opened up.  My world became more colorful.  I became more informed and aware.  Enlightened, even!

3)  I began to see bridges between what my friend believed and what I believe.

ü  Christians believe in the Oneness of the universe too.  We just believe the "One" in Oneness is a Person, and that "oneness" happens when we choose to submit our spirits to His. 

ü  We believe human beings should behave ethically too.  We just believe they can only truly do that in the strength of the One we submit to. 

ü  We meditate as well.  But we don't empty our minds.  We fill them with Truth about the One.  

Our conversations continued after that day.  In the end, neither of us convinced the other that our way was the Truth.  But the results of sharing Christ with others are not our responsibility, and the end has not come yet.  God will work, in His way and in His time. 

I still have a hard time remembering to listen.  Talking is so much easier.  But listening is so much more rewarding, in every way.  Listening is loving, resting, learning, growing.  And in face-to-face, one-on-one situations, listening is essential to sharing the Gospel effectively.

Agree or disagree?  Please share your opinion in a comment.

This article was originally posted in the FECB blog on in March, 2013.

 http://blog.febc.org/

Ginny's Quick Picks for Friday, March 22

I follow a blog called Conversion Diary, the musings of an atheist-turned-Catholic-mother-of-six-with-a-great-sense-of-humor. Every Friday she does a post of seven "Quick Picks," somewhat random thoughts she's collected through the week.

I'm going to experimentally borrow her idea here today.  The aim is to give you at least one link, or quick idea, that adds to the richness of your life in some way or another. Let me know if you like this kind of thing or not, okay?

Here are 7 links to thoughts that have stretched me, comforted me, or made me laugh this week. This post provides my comments and/or an excerpt from the links.  For full benefit, click on the highlighted hyperlink and go directly to the article.

1)  Some Clear Thinking On an Emotionally Charged Issue:  

From the Blog, Living on Tilt, posted by Katherine Harms in Religion and Politics: "To Dissent Is Not the Same as to Hate."  

Christ taught us to love our enemies and pray for those who abuse us. This means that even though we are called hate-mongers or accused of venomous speech, Christ expects us to respond with love. We can and must dispute with the people who assault what is right, but we must not engage in name-calling and vicious sound bites. When one United States Senator feels comfortable calling another United States Senator a “wacko bird” it feels as if the underpinnings of civil society are wobbling. Those of us who claim the name of Christ must depend on Christ to give us words for the conversation that express our message without demeaning our opponents. 

2)  Interesting in the News:

From the Israeli news source, Arutz Sheva, the article, "Temple Groups Practice Passover Sacrifice," by Maayana Miskin.

This news item interested me because my speculative novel, Zinovy's Journey, mentions a time in the future when blood sacrifices will once again be performed on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.  In my story, that time doesn't last long. It's quickly outlawed by the world government in power at the time.  But the incident gives Zinovy a chance to struggle with his personal phobia about the shedding of blood, as well as the hideous concept of a God who would require blood sacrifice from his people. 

3)  A Unique Take on Spirituality and Religion:

From Time Magazine, Ideas column, the article, "The Problem With Being Spiritual But Not Religious," by Rabbi David Wolpe.

No one expects those without faith to obligate themselves to a religious community. But for one who has an intuition of something greater than ourselves to hold that this is a purely personal truth, that it demands no communal searching and struggle, no organization to realize its potential in this world, straddles the line between narcissistic and solipsistic. If the spirit moves you to goodness, that is wonderful. For too many, though, spirituality is a VIP card allowing them to breeze past all those wretched souls waiting in line or doing the work. Join in; together is harder, but together is better.

4)  On Personal/Spiritual Growth:

From Along The Banks, by Camille Eide, "Irony of God #47: Surrender Brings Freedom"

Camille is an author I met at a writer's conference one year.  She's a delightful friend and writer, who makes me laugh and cry when I read what she writes.  In this article she says:  With each surrender, I find myself a little freer in my soul, a little less chained to my willful flesh, a little closer to Jesus, a little more like him.

5) Intriguing Quote of the Week: 

I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.

Donald Miller, from Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

6)  Today's paraprosdokian* (not in any way to be taken seriously):

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

*from the Greek meaning 'beyond expectation.' A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first part.

7)  And last, but not least. . .  

From a Facebook page called "So funny ha ha pictures," who (hopefully) has the right to display this Bizarro Comic.  

Not too sure why this is funny, but maybe some of you will get it.  ;-)

Disclaimer:  I did not "Like" this Facebook page because I'm not sure I would "like" every cartoon posted on it!