A Writerly Predicament

So this is my predicament:  I feel I'm supposed to be writing.  Writing lots.  But I hate writing.

My solution:  Procrastination by way of reading.

Reading seems to be the only escape from the arduous task of writing that my conscience will allow me.  Reading is, after all, research for writing, right?  Reading is the other side of the writing coin, and all writers should also be readers.

That's my justification, but I'm looking nervously over my shoulder as I bury my nose in my books.

I feel I'm at a crossroads in my life's journey.  Or maybe taking a short detour, off the beaten path, that's bound to lead, eventually, back to the main highway.  I'm pretty sure the detour is part of the "rest" God has called me to right now, but I suspect it won't be long before I am catapulted back into the writer's world again. 

I have no idea what that catapult will look like, or when it will sneak up behind me, but in the mean time I intend to make the most of my sojourn in the reader's world.

Also in the mean time, to assuage those little pangs of guilt and anxiety I get when I leave the writing behind for very long, I will occasionally post a blog.  This one is about, of course, reading.

My taste in books is eclectic.  If you'd like to take a peek into my reading world, I invite you to check out my Amazon reviews.  Some of the books I enjoy are deeper than others, but all my choices are uplifting.  Whether they deal with spiritual issues directly or not, every book I've reviewed will leave you with a sense of hope.

I plan to add to this list of reviews as I read, as a way to further justify my reading and keep my writing skills exercised.  I'll keep you posted as new reviews come up.  Meanwhile, if any of these reviews prompt you to join me on the reading journey, I will feel affirmed.  I will feel like I am, in Mr. Topham's words, "a very useful engine."*

Here's the link to my current Amazon reviews.  I highly recommend all these books to any of my reading friends.   

And here's a link to the last post on my writing blog, which is, predictably, also about reading and Amazon reviews.

Please comment here, or connect with me in other ways, if you read any of these books and enjoy them.  It's a tad lonesome on this side road, and I'd love to have a comment or a conversation about your own reading journey now and then.
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*  If you have kids or grandkids you will understand this reference.  If you aren't you'll have to Google it.

Rest That's Soul-Deep for the New Year

     Come to me,
all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

I enter the New Year celebrating an age-old truth freshly spoken into my heart by God through the Holy Spirit today.  It's a culmination of the "rest" theme He's been leading me gently into over the past few months.  I pray this message of rest will comfort and strengthen your hearts, as it has mine.

A version of the following message was originally published in the Far East Broadcasting Company's blog on December 11, 2013. I've added some thoughts here on hearing from God, another theme you will have noticed in some of my previous posts on this Joy blog.

"So much for your preachy Thanksgiving post last week about how we should thank God for the important things He does for us," I said to myself as I sat in church on Sunday morning.  We were preparing our hearts for communion, and I could not conjure up a spirit of thanksgiving for God's gracious gift of salvation to save my soul. 

It's really hard for me to admit this, but after sixty years of celebrating communion every month, it's sometimes difficult for me to come to the table with a fresh appreciation for what it all means.  I think one of our worst characteristics, as human beings, is our tendency to take good things for granted after we've had them for a while.  It keeps us from loving God as we should, and it steals our joy. But I have no idea how to keep it from happening.

So I sat there, feeling exactly the opposite of what I should be feeling as I "remembered the Lord's death until He comes."  Feeling nothing, except an uncomfortable burden of guilt as I realized how hard my heart was, and a tiny sliver of fear that sneaked in after the guilt.   

And then the Lord spoke to me. 

I want to try to describe how it happened, even though I can't do it adequately, because I've been thinking a lot lately about how God speaks.  I don't know if this is how He spoke to Abraham or not.  I know He used words with me.  He spoke them into my spirit somehow.  But when I try to remember them and write them down, they don't seem quite right. 

I know it was His "voice" because I recognize the spirit of Jesus in what He said, and also because of the overwhelming awesomeness of the realization that came.  The words had the ring of truth to them.

As I sat there feeling sad and guilty and afraid because of my insensitivity to His love, He said, "It's okay, Ginny."  

Translated into New Testament language He might have been saying, "Peace, be still," or "Let not your heart be troubled."

Then He told me why I should not be troubled.  He said,

Whether or not you feel gratitude for my broken body and shed blood has no effect on whether or not you're forgiven.  My broken body and shed blood have thoroughly redeemed you, and that redemption is a finished work.  You will always be forgiven, whether you ever thank me or not.  I didn't die for the appreciation.  I died for you, because I love you.  It's a given.  Nothing will ever change that.

He wasn't that wordy.  It takes a lot of inadequate human words for me to convey the total relief and freedom I felt when He spoke.  It was overwhelming.  It brought peace to my heart and tears of gratitude to my eyes.  That's why I know it was his "voice."

More and more I am realizing that the Christian life is not about what I am supposed to do for him, but what He has already done for me.  And continues to do.  And will continue to do, throughout eternity.

More and more I am learning to relax into His love, and every time I hear His voice I find it easier and easier to recognize.

Jennifer Dukes Lee writes a blog that I always find a real blessing.  I recommend her to you.  Her post today on New Years' resolutions mirrors this same message of rest.  

May God give you a heart full of peace and joy as you lean back into His boundless love and grace during the coming year.  

What Was the Question Again?

Did you ever wonder how God's voice sounded to the ancients?  When the Bible says, "God spoke" to  

Abraham, how did Abraham know it was God speaking?

The Bible rarely tells us how the people of Old Testament times "heard" God speak.  It just says God spoke, and leaves it at that.  It's as if God assumes people would know He was speaking, and what He was saying, without any further explanation. 

But I don't always know, so God has obviously left an important piece of information out of the Scriptures.

Or maybe not.  Maybe there's something left out of my way of hearing God instead.  Maybe something is screwy with my way of perceiving reality, as hard to believe as that may be.

If I asked him, "Abraham, what made you think it was God speaking when you came up with that crazy idea that your descendants would outnumber the sands of the sea?" he would probably look at me like I was the crazy one.  He would call me a meshuggeneh. "What's the matter with you?" he'd say. "You got goyim ears or something?"

Yes.  I have goyim ears.  Ears that are more attuned to the science teacher, or the ivory tower academic, than to God.  Ears that have been trained to believe that only physical sounds that beat on those little bones in my head can connect me with reality.

I am sometimes amazed at how much my worldview is a product of the secular humanistic culture I live in.  Even as a follower of Jesus, one who spends time meditating and often believes God is speaking to me, I find it hard to trust what I think I "hear" from God. I have slipped into believing that only physical ears can hear, and that knowing is a brain/mind thing, and nothing else. 

In Job, the oldest book of the Bible, God asks a question: "Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?"  (Job 38:36 KJV)

The answer is obvious.  And when I answer that question truthfully, the question I wanted to ask Abraham. . . what was it again?  That question is forgotten.  Makes no sense. 

It's not up to me to figure out how God speaks.  I'll leave that up to Him, and just listen with an open, trusting heart.  I'll let him slip his truth past my human understanding and place it gently into my inward parts.  That's the only place the Truth will do me any good anyway.