What On Earth Am I Here For?

Reading further in my March 24th journal entry:

 

Today it seems like I am reaching a climax in my search for what I am supposed to be doing instead of just killing time.  It's like I need answers to this question so badly I will (finally) quit trying to escape into activities, or mental distractions, and confront Him a final time for the answer.

 

I have spent the morning sorting through some books to put in the church library. I had been fasting, but I finally heated my coffee and fixed some breakfast. As I sat eating and looking out the window, I told the Lord (or was He telling me?) that I had done all I could to settle this issue of what I needed to be doing. 

 

I suspect He was thinking that it was about time.  (Please excuse the pun.)

 

I have been reading in John 15 about Jesus being the vine and us being the branches. It seemed God wanted to remind me that it was HE who chose me, for fruit-bearing, whatever that looks like.

 

This thought seemed to take the onus off of me for figuring out what I should be doing, so I just kind of gave up on hearing what I was supposed to do next. Then I went back to my book sorting.

 

The next book on the pile was Secrets of the Vine by Bruce Wilkinson. I had started this book before and left a bookmark at the beginning of the chapter, "More of God, More With God." In it the author shares his journey at the point where, though his ministry is thriving, he has lost his excitement with it and has to figure out why.

 

He says, "Does any of my story ring true for you? . . .You have a good amount of fruit Yes, I have seen God working through me in many ways lately . . .you feel caught between two opposing tensions--an increasing desire to produce an even better yield and decreasing fulfillment in the fruit you are already producing."

 

He goes on to say, "You are ready for that fourth basket, the one so full of luscious grapes that it is overflowing. Yet you feel frustrated, defeated, and in danger of losing the harvest of a lifetime. And you have no idea what to do." Yup. that's me for sure.

 

Then he gets to the point: "His purpose is not that you will do more FOR Him but that you will choose to be more WITH Him." To be more WITH Him?

 

I'm not totally clear where this idea will take me but it seems I have to re-adjust my focus. Out of a great love for Him--one that He has planted in my heart--I have longed to do FOR Him--to fulfill the purposes for which He chose me. But maybe that longing has outstripped my desire just to be WITH Him?

 

Maybe the simple truth is that whatever I do FOR Him has to come out of my simply abiding IN Him. This means I have to transfer my trust from me, and what I can DO, to Him, and WHO HE IS.

 

I will have to think about this.

On Killing Time

 I've decided to start blogging some of my journal entries here.

 

I'm a bit nervous about this, because when I journal I often go so deeply into my thinking that I wonder if what I say will make sense to anyone else. Or even to me in the end. Am I just musing myself into some wasteland of random thoughts that I will one day read over, scratch my head and wonder where I was coming from?

 

But lately some of my entries have made a little bit of sense and even helped me enter deeper into my walk with God, so I will share those with you, my reader.  Feel free to pick and choose. If there is anything that resonates with you, take it, and just leave the rest.

 

This March (2021) I began a new journal. It has been a strange year, immediately following the last strange year: two years like no other this generation has ever experienced, all over the globe. If nothing else, COVID has stopped the world in its tracks. It has forced us to slow down, give up, and take stock of our lives.

 

The slowing down, giving up, and taking stock has actually been a good by-product of this plague experience for me. It has opened up some new avenues in my spiritual journey.

 

Here's my March 24th entry:

 

It's near the end of Spring Break and I am spending my time doing nothing. At the beginning of the break I was going from one form of activity to the next--from Netflix to reading to Facebook to household chores and back to Netflix again. But more and more I have been feeling led to let those things all go and do nothing. This is very hard for me. It has been a struggle.

 

I am driven by the need to perform and produce. I "need" to always be doing something. I'm surprised Maslow didn't put this one on his pyramid of human needs. I think this may be a common experience for us all.

 

So a week and a half of this struggle to embrace nothingness has gone past. On Wednesday of the second week, with only a few days of Spring Break to go, I am finally, reluctantly coming to the conclusion that, for some reason, God wants me to quit just doing stuff. Useless stuff.

 

I have been asking God the whole time to tell me what useful stuff He wants me to do. I feel I'm at a crossroads in my life's journey right now and my next task is unclear. It's been frustrating because I haven't heard anything from Him.

 

Can you relate? What has your COVID experience been like in this regard? 

 

More of my experience in tomorrow's post. I don't want to exhaust you with reading today.

 

Ways To Peace #2

My previous post talked about how to find peace in the middle of the mess of our lives, but it didn't really answer the "how to" part of the title!


That post talks about the fear that drives us, especially in this anxious day and age, and claims that God does not mean for us to live in fear. This post will give you the promised 10 ways I have found to conquer fear in my life.

Sometimes anxiety comes over us without an obvious reason. We have no idea why. Perhaps a little hint of a fear creeps into our thinking sideways, as an afterthought, or a quiet suggestion, and before we catch it and pluck it out, it has grown into an anxious worry.

A while ago I struggled with an unexplainable cloud of anxiety and heaviness. I have no idea why. There was no logical reason for this disruption to my normal state of restful trust in a good God.

My circumstances had not changed. And He had certainly not changed. I was well cared for, as usual. He had carried me through my whole life without once stumbling or hesitating, and He has promised He will carry my to the end of my life on this earth, and beyond. I had no reason to fear. My anxiety was a waste of time and, once I noticed it was bothering me, I wanted it gone.

I know by experience that if I can look up--if I can get only a glimpse of His lovely face, the anxiety will disappear and the peace and joy that I'm supposed to be experiencing will come back. It always does. So I experimented with ways to look up.

Here are ten practices I've discovered that gradually brought me out of a place of extreme anxiety into a place of peace. It is no accident that most of them emphasize the importance of that central book in the Good Book, the Book of Psalms:

1. Find the "Do not fear" verses. Those 365 verses that say "Do Not Fear" are God's encouragements to us to look up. So the first thing we can do to overcome our anxiety is turn to His Book. Use a concordance, or a website like Got Questions.com or Bible Gateway.

But don't just find them. . .

2. Read through the DNF verses. When you are anxious, read these "DNF" verses, one by one, slowly, until you come to one that speaks expressly to you. You will know when that happens because that particular verse will immediately relieve you of your fear. It's God getting up and personal with you.

3. Memorize the DNF verses. Obviously, using the verses works better if you have them memorized. If you don't, choose one and repeat it over and over (including the address) until you can say it by heart, in the deep, dark of night. Then start learning another one, by heart.

4. Read the anxious Psalms--ones that express fear and pain and doubt--and realize that you are not alone. Anxiety is part of the (unredeemed) human condition and has been since the Fall of Man. Often simply expressing your anxiety in God's presence relieves it. And when you don't have words--when you are too anxious to even think--reading the Psalmist's poetic expression of his anxiety will give voice to your inner pain.

5. Read any of the Psalms. Start anywhere in the Book and read one poem after the other, until you find peace settling into your soul. David wrote half of the Psalms and he had a gift of bringing relief from anxiety. That's why King Saul would call him in to play for him whenever he felt oppressed by the evil one. Most of the Psalms that we know David wrote are at the beginning of the Book.

Speaking of the evil one. . .

6. Speak Truth into the face of your enemy. Read the enemy psalms. Many of the Psalms pronounce victory over our enemies, and our biggest enemy--the one who loves to see us smothered in anxiety--is actually God's enemy, the Devil. He hates us because we are loved by the God he hates. Reading--no, praying--the "enemy Psalms" is powerful spiritual warfare. It brings Truth to light, and when Truth comes, oppression and darkness cannot stay.

7. Read the first verse or two of every Psalm, starting at the beginning. Most of the Psalms begin with praise to God. This is good heart medicine. Repeated praise reinforces the Truth of ultimate victory in our lives. It will lift our hearts and open them to the ultimate reality, which is all good.

8. Spend much concentrated time reading other books of the Bible as well. The Psalms are not the only places to find comfort and reassurance in the Bible. Every one of the 66 books, even though most of them record disastrous events in our past human history, has a message of hope and ultimate victory if we are willing to embrace it. Romans 8, John 14, and the Book of Job (taken as a whole) are three great examples of encouraging and uplifting passages that speak Truth into our lives.

9. Listen to uplifting music. Find calming or reassuring worship songs that you like and play, listen and sing them to yourself. When one particular one brings you special peace, meditate on that one all day long. Here's a link to a great selection.  If you don't know where to find them, a youtube site like Hillsong Worship is a good place to start.

10. Ask a friend to pray for you. This last suggestion is a good one too. Don't overlook it. Call a friend, let them know you are struggling and ask them to look to God for help on your behalf. Ask them to pray, right then, out loud. Hearing someone else say what you want to say but cannot will help to activate your faith, and God has promised that when we call He will answer.

You don't have to adopt all of these practices.  Adopt the ones that appeal to you, or work for you.  But be sure to pick at least one of the Scripture ones.  I have no apologies for repeating how important Scripture is to our mental well being. 

Christians believe the Bible is God's Word, supernaturally inspired to tell us what Truth really is. It has been the gold standard of Truth for well over 2000 years, surviving every vacillating "wind of doctrine" put forth by human beings--reflecting whatever contemporary cultural mindset currently captures the attention of the masses.

And a firm Truth foundation is ultimately the only cure for anxiety. That kind of foundation must be grounded in something, or Someone, outside the realm of space and time. In our space and time world, nothing will last forever, but outside this realm of four dimensions is a reality that is everlasting.

Christians believe Jesus was talking about that kind of foundation when He told the parable of the two houses--one built on a rock and one built on the sand. (Matthew 7:24-27)

Jesus, Himself, is our Rock. A life grounded in Him is one that will never be shaken by the storms of life. Because He bought eternity for us by His death on the cross, a person who chooses to commit their life to Him will live happily ever after.

Yes. Such a life is not a fairy tale when it's grounded in Truth!

By the way, I assume you know that the words underlined in this post are linked to their websites.  They are clickable.  So click away! And be blessed.

 

How to Find Peace in the Middle of the Mess

 

The Bible tells us 365 times that we should not fear.  If you look you can find a different "Do Not Fear" verse for every day of the year! 

 

Perhaps there's a reason for that. 

Fear is rampant in our society.  This has been true in every age and culture, but it seems that today, because of our technological progress in the area of travel and communication, everywhere we look, reasons to fear literally stare us in the face.

 

On the news we are confronted with towering dangers, all over the world, many of which seem beyond the control of any human being or government. Politically, physically, financially, relationally--in every realm of our existence we see reasons to feel insecure and vulnerable.  If we're not feeling fear for ourselves, we're feeling it for those we love who are going through struggles we can't do anything about. 

 

When we look around us, we have great reason to be overcome with anxiety.  But "around us" is not the only direction we can look.  As Christians, we are encouraged to look up, and when we do, we find great reason to rejoice, even in the midst of the mess roiling around at our feet.  For those who are willing to come to the foot of the cross, there is hope. 

 

If we have come to a decision, at some point in our lives, to ask Jesus Christ to rescue us from our sins and ourselves--if we have received Him as our Lord, and chosen, by faith, to put our complete trust in Him, we have no reason to fear. 

 

Ever.

 

But the trust has to come first, before we can rest in God's peace.  And gaining the trust can only happen as we walk with Him.  Daily attentiveness to the only one Who has the solution to every problem is our only way to peace in the midst of this broken world.  The closer we draw to Him, the more clearly we see the ultimate triumph of His great Goodness, and so the easier it is to relax and trust Him with the insurmountable problems we see when we look around us.

 

In tomorrow's post I will suggest 10 ways to find that peace.  Ways that have worked for me.

 

  

 

And One Final Heartland Post

 

So more on why I'm pursuing an eternally real Heartland instead of indulging in fantasies that are only temporary.

 

A REASON:  My satisfaction. 

If you ask anyone what their most important goal in life is they will say it is to be happy. We were created for happiness.  Real happiness.  And we long for it above everything else. So my next reason for paying attention to that niggling feeling and resisting the temptation to immerse myself in a temporary distraction from my real world is simply that the distraction does not make me happy.  It does not satisfy.

 

Temporary distractions do not keep some vague promise they make of happiness.  Escaping into an imaginary world can become a street drug that only immobilizes me and drags me down. In the end, indulging in it will only make me more miserable.

 

Any pursuit of any addiction is nothing more than the heart's restless search for it's ultimate Heartland in all the wrong places. Human beings were created "to love God and enjoy Him forever," and, as Pascal has said, our hearts will be restless, no matter what distractions we go after, until they have found their rest in Him.

 

A DISCLAIMER:

 

Please note that this doesn't mean I will never watch another episode of Heartland.  Unlike street drugs, healthy Netflix shows can be healthily refreshing. They can provide much needed R and R after I've been pursuing my greater purposes for a period of time. One thing I love about my Boss is that He gives me R and R on a regular basis. He has promised to give me "all things to enjoy" and when He gives them they are thoroughly enjoyable and refreshing. 

 

But when these healthy recreational activities become my goal rather than my rest, their benefit is destroyed and so am I if I pursue that goal. So ultimately, goals that satisfy are goals that lead to benefits that will last forever. 

 

A PARADOX:

 

But here is a strange thing: I find that my satisfaction is very much connected to the satisfaction and well being of others. So the goal of seeking the good of others is the final reason I need to re-direct my pursuits as this new season begins.

 

Goals that truly satisfy are ones that have to do with other people's ultimate well being, not just my own.

 

It may seem like a paradox to say that investing my life in the service of other eternal human beings, for their eternal good, will bring me happiness, but it's true.  I know that from experience.

 

When I have a chance to watch someone discover the love of Jesus, and see them choose to submit to His love and lordship in their lives--when I see them look to Him for their eternal good and find it in His face--my heart soars with joy.  Nothing makes me happier.

 

If I can help one eternal being down the path toward discovering their value in God's sight, I feel fulfilled in ways no earthly pleasure can do for me.

 

That's why the quote by C.S. Lewis pictured in this post is on the front of my school binder. It's before me every day when I teach. And nothing gives me more joy and excitement--nothing makes me feel more refreshed--than loving and praying for and encouraging the students I stand in front of each day I teach. I have found deep, meaningful purpose in loving others, and living and working for their eternal good.

 

The joy I experience when I see a teenage boy sit up straighter because I have affirmed a good answer he has given in a class discussion; or when another student comes to me, several times before the end of class, to thank me for giving him a pencil case with a few writing supplies so he won't have to ask any teacher for a pencil before he can do his work in another class; or when I see a whole classroom full of students soften and melt when I tell them how much I love them and want the best for them--this joy makes the temporary pleasure I get from indulging in some worldly escape mechanism pale in comparison.

 

So this is why I am determined to resist the lure of temporary, shallow pleasures that do not satisfy. It is a selfish reason. I want to be happy--truly happy. And I have discovered that deep, abiding happiness--what the Bible calls "joy"--is found only in the pursuit of eternally good things--things that will bring enduring satisfaction to me and to others.

 

I think maybe this pursuit, in this life, on this earth, is the beginning of our discovery of our eternal Heartland. It's the closest thing to heaven on earth I have yet to discover.

 

More on Heartland

I started a new journal today. It's kind of like a new beginning--a clean page in front of me.  What will I do with it?

 

As I hinted in yesterday's post, I've been feeling a tad uncomfortable with how comfortable I've been feeling in the fictional world of Heartland.*  My thoughts have been more with Ty and Amy lately than with my own friends and family.  It's been a great escape. But I know I can't stay in that unreal, ideal world. I need to live in the real, broken world that God has put me in.

  

*That's a palindrome, did you notice? 

 

I read Jesus' words this morning, in Matthew 24 and 25, about the end of the world as we know it. He gave His disciples a parable to illustrate how they should live until He returns to gather His children home to His heartland.

 

Ten young woman are waiting to celebrate the wedding of their friend, the bride, and her bridegroom. They know the bridegroom will be coming any time to meet the bride and carry her away into their new life together. They need to be watching for him so they can join the two of them in a happy journey to the wedding feast.

 

Five of them are alert and prepared, and the other five have been spending their days watching endless episodes of Heartland.

 

Okay. So that's a bit of a stretch when it comes to interpretation, but it's an apropos  application to my situation. I cannot afford to float off into some kind of virtual paradise, napping mindlessly while I wait for the Bridegroom to decide it's time to come collect His bride.  There is work to do before I can relax and enjoy the feast. So today, in the first entry of my new journal, I turn over a new page.

 

I am highly motivated. I'm pretty sure it's more than the cup and a half of coffee I just drank. There are some pretty strong reasons for me to renounce the easy life until I can enjoy it eternally.

 

For one thing, that life is temporary. It doesn't make sense for me to invest my life in pursuits that will only last a short time. Another of Jesus' stories illustrates the futility of doing that. He says, "What profit is there for a person to gain the whole (temporary) world if they lose their own (eternal) souls in the process?"

 

Or if other eternal souls are lost as well??

 

I need to invest my life in people. Real people. People are the only eternally valuable investments to make.  I need to work toward their eternal well being as well as my own. 

 

C.S. Lewis says that ". . .it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit--." Ty and Amy are not immortals, but the people I come in contact with in my life are. They need to be the focus of my activities while I am down here on earth waiting for the Bridegroom to come for us.

I need to spend my life for others, praying for them, loving them, and demonstrating, by the way I live and the words I speak, how rich and joyous it can be to live for an eternal purpose, moving all the while toward an eternal heartland.

 

So that's the beginning of my future path. It's a re-commitment to my purpose of following Jesus in this life. I need to make sure my heart stays in this land until it's time to move on to the next one.

 

Heartland

 

I think I am heart-hungry for  Heartland. I'm blaming my compulsive enjoyment of that TV series on COVID. That's convenient. But I'm trying to analyze why I'm so addicted to the series and I think it's a couple of things (aside from COVID).

 

Or maybe three.

 

First, the simple, uncomplicated moral innocence of the show is a comfort to me. I long for a time when virtues like integrity, fidelity and honesty are again considered general virtues that society expects of people.

 

They once were. I remember those days, when you could count on an agreement that was sealed with only a handshake.  Moral behavior was expected and people in that time rose to that expectation. In Heartland, when one of the characters stumbles or falls--when a character breaks the moral rules and lies, or is unfaithful in love--the lapse is recognized as a stumble or a fall, and there are disastrous consequences.

 

These COVID days have brought out the best and the worst in us all.  We may have stumbled and fallen in many ways, but we have also gone out of our way to care for our neighbours, and we have also learned to live on less and care about things that are of real value. But our society still reels from the effects of our rejection of traditional moral values.

 

In this past year, integrity has become the victim of political expediency. There certainly have to be public figures who are faithful to their calling as public servants--who speak the truth and are faithful in their service. But so many conflicting "facts" being promoted by all our media sources have destroyed our foundational confidence in the integrity of government as well as in public discourse.

 

As for fidelity, we scold public figures for forcing unwanted sex on women, and rightly so, but we say nothing about infidelity in their marriages, or in ours. The only rule restricting sexual behavior in this moral climate is the rule that sex should always be by mutual consent. Other than that, anything goes when it comes to the act that used to be considered sacred because of the beautiful picture it is of the faithful, intimate, caring love that has always existed between the Creator and His creation, and also because of its direct connection with the creation of other human beings.

 

And when it comes to honesty, no one even talks anymore about the way things 'should' be. It's only about the way things 'are'. "Well," we say, "if you leave your purse on the seat of your unlocked car, what do you expect? That was a stupid thing to do." Now, in the 21st century, stupidity is seen as a worse sin than stealing.

 

There are other reasons for the strings between my heart and Heartland. My longing is a longing for the past, not only morally, but geographically. My growing up years in rural America, as well as my seven years of living in Alberta, left me with an enduring love for the simple, rural life.

 

Those years were not pain-free. There is always pain and frustration and restlessness in growing up. But the nostalgia is there, in the Ponderosa pine forests of Northern Arizona that I grew up in as a young person, and in the shadow of the Rocky Mountain foothills of Alberta where Heartland is filmed and where we raised our toddlers.  

 

The nostalgia is there, and it can be a kind of pain in itself. As if it was a perfect setting, but not quite perfect. A perfect time, but not quite.

 

In fact, I think my longing is more deeply rooted in a longing for heaven. An old song we used to sing in church says, "This world is not my home, I'm just passing through." No matter what sweet memories I have of the past in this life, there is still a reaching for something more, as if I'm on a journey through this life and have not yet reached my final destination.  In heaven, only, will the ideal be realized.

 

All that gives me pleasure in this life is passing. But all the deep happiness I  remember experiencing in fleeting moments--these things are what heaven will be like, not in fleeting moments but in one constant, eternal present--all the deep joy and none of the sorrow. When that eternal moment comes for me, the tears of the past will be wiped away. All the nostalgia will find its final satisfaction, and I will find my Heartland.