Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stormy Weather

I'm struggling right now. Are you? It seems every time I turn around I find others who are perplexed also--dealing with excruciatingly painful and unsolvable problems. It causes me angst. I'd like to fix everything, in my life and in the lives of people I love. But I'm learning something through this difficult time.

Oswald Chambers says it well:

"We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process God calls the end. . . .His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. . .that I see him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. . . .God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now." (July 28 reading from My Utmost For His Highest)

This realization doesn't make me feel any better. I still want everything to be fixed, right now. But I think God is working on that in me. I have to get over my idealistic preoccupation with "happily ever after." That "happily" will come, in the end, but for now, God has other plans for me, and for my loved ones. They are good plans, but they aren't always easy or comfortable.

I am choosing to submit to those "higher" plans--to let go of my selfish desire for immediate gratification. I still groan, and my stomach often clenches, but little by little my spirit is being lifted. My eyes are moving from the turbulent waves to the One who walks in triumph on top of them. I'm still too timid to step out of the boat and join him, but it's a comfort to see Him out there, and a small joy is beginning at the bottom of my heart.

Today I want to visualize Jesus walking serenely on the waves and rest in that vision.