Learning to Lean

 

Here’s a message I just sent to a young friend I am corresponding with through a mentoring website I belong to that is sponsored by Power to Change.  It’s a message we all need to remind ourselves of right now, when it seems like the world is spinning out of control and we are uneasy with the uncertainty of it all. We want to do something to fix the mess around us but we don’t know where to begin, it all seems so impossible.

 

So I said to my young friend,

 

I feel sympathy for you in your striving.  I have always been a striver too--and have struggled with perfectionism. Now I am older and wiser and more at peace with just living from day-to-day.  The “need” to “do,” especially for God’s eternal Kingdom, still pushes at me, but more and more I realize that all I have to do is relax into His sovereignty and not worry so much.

 

A few years back I ran into a meme that changed my life.  It says:

 

All we need to do, as Christians, is to be

RESTFULLY AVAILABLE and INSTANTLY OBEDIENT.

 

I love that.  Especially the restful part.  The more I am able to relax into Jesus the more freedom I see Him having to do His Kingdom work through me.  Now I pretty much go through life just flying by the seat of my pants, knowing that it's His wings I am flying on!  And it's a wonderfully peaceful and joyful way to live. 

 

I think it's easier to come to this way of living when you're older.  The pressure to perform (my own pressure on myself!) has sort of passed away and I can just live from day to day, trying to walk in the pace of the Spirit instead of sprinting off like there is some kind of finish line I have to cross before the end of my days.

 

A friend once sent me a card with a picture on the front of a little girl and a big rock.  She has her hands up on the side of the rock and it looks like she's holding it up to keep it from falling over, but you realize, when you look at it, how ridiculous that is, because the rock is way bigger than she is and it is obviously holding her up. 

 

That kind of symbolizes my approach to following Jesus for most of my life.  In the past I have been very busy helping Him make sure everyone is doing what they should do and things in this world are going His way.  Now, in my old age, I am just happy to lean on the rock instead of trying to help God keep it in place!

 

But it takes time for us to learn to lean.  And God is not in a hurry.  He grows our faith, even as we struggle to help Him do His work!  He is leading us to a good place--a place of rest and a simple enjoyment of walking day-by-day with Him.  I have begun to experience this joy more and more, but I am sure it will grow deeper and sweeter as He continues to lead me away from the struggle to total trust in His ultimate sovereignty.

 

We, who want to follow Jesus, are all on this journey. And it’s a good one. It's a journey to complete trust in a loving, powerful and sovereign God.

Trust and Despair

This morning I talked to God about the state of our union, his and mine.  My faith in him is constant, but my feelings are so erratic.  Often, these days, I suffer from vague feelings of guilt, confusion and despair, even though I know, deep in my soul, that all is well with Him. 

Why is that?

I'm not sure.  But I'm holding on to the verses I feel he's drawn my attention to during this strange time of ambivalence. 

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him (as Lord!) and he will direct your paths.

So after I talked to God, he spoke to me, in two very specific ways: 

My morning's reading in the Daily Light was about Jesus suffering in the garden.  He trusted his Father completely, yet, in the garden, as he was awaiting the arrival of the soldiers who would take him to his death, he told his disciples, "My soul is deeply grieved." 

He cried out for mercy from God.  "If it be possible, let this cup pass from me." 

God didn't grant his request.  He sent an angel to strengthen the Son he loved more than life, and then he let the soldiers come.

I left my quiet time and came to the computer, where I found this blog from Open Doors, an organization that ministers to people who suffer persecution for their faith in Christ.  This is a quote from a Chinese man who was imprisoned for his faith.  It helped shed some light on the predicament--this strange dichotomy between trust and despair.

He says:

    When we suffer for Christ, what actually happens? I mean, what really goes on spiritually within us when we are going through suffering? 

     I ask the question because a young sister was listening to me recently recount my experience of being in jail for three weeks last year. She said, “You talked of having constant diarrhea, of being kicked and punched painfully, and you even feared that God was punishing you…yet you talked also of feeling joy and experiencing peace.” She said to me, “I don’t understand how these things go together.” 

     My reply to her, and I give it also as an instruction to you all (for you will all suffer at some point for His Name), is that when we suffer, three spiritual experiences happen to us all at once: angelic strengthening, superhuman forgiveness, and human incomprehension. These three things appear contradictory, but if you suffer, you will find they come together as they did in the life of Christ. 

    An old Christian used to say to me, “When they lead you away to jail, tell yourself you are merely going with Christ to the Garden of Gethsemane, and to the Cross.” To the Garden, and to the Cross. I liked that. I tested it. It’s true…

"Angelic strengthening, superhuman forgiveness, and human incomprehension."  I'm not suffering as this dear brother suffered, but his description of the feelings he experienced help me understand that joy and human incomprehension can co-exist.

My feelings will still come and go, but I'm honing in on the key purpose--our purpose in our walk with him.  It's just to trust.  To grow in our trust.  He doesn't ask us to understand.  He doesn't ask us to know the right path to take.  All we have to do is trust and he will arrange the rest.