My Besetting Sin

-->

I have a besetting sin. It's lack of trust in the God who has faithfully provided for me and carried me through my life to this day.

I am not in financial need. I am not in debt. I have a steady income. I have a savings buffer in the bank. And I worry about whether or not it is enough. 

It is plenty. But it seems the more money I have, the harder it is to trust it will be enough.

I think about the rich young ruler and I understand how hard it must have seemed to him to sell all he had and give it to the poor. I doubt that I could have done it.

This is a sin, for sure, because God has continually provided for my financial needs. My mother's diary from when I was first born contains these entries:

"Well, Lord, we have no milk for Virginia's bottle in the morning. Will you provide for us?" 

And then, the next day,

"Thank you Lord, for the bottle of milk I found at our door this morning!" 

For sure, someone who knew my parents were in financial need had left that bottle of milk there, but I know it was God who prompted that gift.

Once, when I was a young girl, we had unexpected company for dinner. My widowed mother counted her change and discovered she had only enough to buy the bare necessities for a spaghetti dinner. We couldn't afford the hamburger. 

We went to the store to buy the things we could afford, and as we were leaving, my mother saw something shiny lying on the hot concrete in the parking lot. I ran down and brought back a pound of cold hamburger meat.

When the savings I'd collected for college began to run out and my part-time work wasn't enough to keep me in school, the GI bill was passed in the States, giving me just enough additional monthly income to carry me through the next three years of university to graduation.

When Dennis and I were between jobs in our move to Oregon, and we came to the place, one day, when we had no money for groceries, some friends from church showed up at the door and unloaded bags of groceries on our doorstep.

These are a few examples of how God has met my needs in the past. There are many, many more. What makes me think God will abandon me in the future?

Worry, for me, under the circumstances, is wrong. I have every reason to trust and not be afraid.

And I will still be carrying you when you are old. Your hair will turn gray, and I will still carry you. I made you,and I will carry you to safety.  

Isaiah 46:4