On Killing Time

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 I've decided to start blogging some of my journal entries here.

 

I'm a bit nervous about this, because when I journal I often go so deeply into my thinking that I wonder if what I say will make sense to anyone else. Or even to me in the end. Am I just musing myself into some wasteland of random thoughts that I will one day read over, scratch my head and wonder where I was coming from?

 

But lately some of my entries have made a little bit of sense and even helped me enter deeper into my walk with God, so I will share those with you, my reader.  Feel free to pick and choose. If there is anything that resonates with you, take it, and just leave the rest.

 

This March (2021) I began a new journal. It has been a strange year, immediately following the last strange year: two years like no other this generation has ever experienced, all over the globe. If nothing else, COVID has stopped the world in its tracks. It has forced us to slow down, give up, and take stock of our lives.

 

The slowing down, giving up, and taking stock has actually been a good by-product of this plague experience for me. It has opened up some new avenues in my spiritual journey.

 

Here's my March 24th entry:

 

It's near the end of Spring Break and I am spending my time doing nothing. At the beginning of the break I was going from one form of activity to the next--from Netflix to reading to Facebook to household chores and back to Netflix again. But more and more I have been feeling led to let those things all go and do nothing. This is very hard for me. It has been a struggle.

 

I am driven by the need to perform and produce. I "need" to always be doing something. I'm surprised Maslow didn't put this one on his pyramid of human needs. I think this may be a common experience for us all.

 

So a week and a half of this struggle to embrace nothingness has gone past. On Wednesday of the second week, with only a few days of Spring Break to go, I am finally, reluctantly coming to the conclusion that, for some reason, God wants me to quit just doing stuff. Useless stuff.

 

I have been asking God the whole time to tell me what useful stuff He wants me to do. I feel I'm at a crossroads in my life's journey right now and my next task is unclear. It's been frustrating because I haven't heard anything from Him.

 

Can you relate? What has your COVID experience been like in this regard? 

 

More of my experience in tomorrow's post. I don't want to exhaust you with reading today.

 

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