TWENTY LIFE HACKS FOR OLD PEOPLE

  

 

1.  If you want to put off accepting that you are old, avoid mirrors.

2.  Wear comfortable shoes.  Always.  No matter what they look like.

3.  Talk to yourself, especially when you need good advice about things like what to wear or what to eat or what movie to watch on Netflix.

4.  ALWAYS hold handrails when going up or down stairs. (Yes, you can fall upstairs.)

5.  Offer to take a grandkid out to eat if you want to chat. Also offer to give them rides when they need them. (NB, enjoy this while you can because it will not be as effective after they learn to drive.)

6.  Be very careful not to offend your friends by calling them “old folks” even if you think of them that way.

7.  Do something constructive every day before you read or watch TV. This is how you avoid feeling guilty when you sit down.

8.  Go to bed early and get up early. Your best sleep comes before midnight.

9.  Go out to run errands early in the morning, before all the young ones wake up and get in your way.

10. Buy things in small containers. You will be able to use them up before they spoil and they will be easier to lift.

11. Put things you use often at waist level and, whenever possible, in plain sight.

12. To avoid unnecessary tripping, be very careful around cats.

13. Use a nightlight on the path to the bathroom.

14. If you live alone, put a baseball bat under your bed and make a plan to use it in case of emergency. (NB: you will rarely need to activate this plan but it will make you feel safer to have one.)

15. Write lists of things you need to remember and try to remember where the lists are.

16. Do only one thing at a time to maximize the pleasure of the experience: do not eat and watch TV at the same time; do not play spider solitaire while engaging in small talk with a friend on the phone; do not cook things on the stove and walk away to do something else (for obvious reasons).

17. As much as lieth in you, discover and use whatever communication application the people you love will notice. Update this info regularly for maximum effectiveness.

18. Find a comfortable pace and think, move, and live in that rhythm. This will lower your blood pressure, help you avoid accidents, and allow you to smell the flowers along the way.

19. Pray without ceasing. At this stage of life you need that more than ever. (Actually, that’s not quite true. Prayer has always been essential, but now you are wise enough to realize that.)

20. Enjoy memories and anticipate heaven, but discipline yourself to live in the present moment.


Otherwise you will miss those lovely flowers along the way.

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